Quantum Theory for Cats

I’m going to be a published author. I keep on saying it to myself. Me. A published author. Of course, I’ve had stuff published before. A poem here. A short story there. But this is a book. Well, a slender book. A substantial pamphlet. With my name on the front. Wow !

“Quantum Theory for Cats.” I’d  like  to say I chose the title because it reflects the relationship between particle physics and small mammals. But that would be a lie. I chose because I read somewhere that books with a cat on the front sell extremely well.

It’s being published by Jamie McGarry at Valley Press (http://valleypressuk.com)

You can tell his work because he manages to combine clear, engaging writing with beautiful presentation…. and reasonable prices…and Valley Press is a proudly Yorkshire publishing house. as well. It’s a win…win…win situation and I’m proud to be accepted by him.

“Quantum theory for cats” will be launched on the 1st of December or thereabouts, so keep an eye on its progress http://valleypressuk.com

And here’s a taster for my (ahem) book.

“Man hollowed out wooden leg to smuggle iguanas”

I would have got away with it

but for the noise – claws scratching at the wood,

those genteel coughing sounds iguanas make.

“One moment, sir.”

I knew then I was done for.

“ If you could come this way..”


In my skivvies, standing on one leg,

I watched him spring the secret trapdoor –

out they tumbled – all my little darlings

skittering across the polished floor.

Tiny dinosaurs in Terminal Two.


It’s said that they escaped into the drains and flourished there.

One day they will return, Godzilla like,

crunching Jumbo jets to junk between their claws,

reeking of jet juice

and a thousand rotting airline meals.