Fortune is kind. Just when I thought I’d run out of jargon to complain about, a whole lorry load of linguistic horrors tips out its cargo at once.First of all, though, I’d like to pick on one or two I forgot to include last time.
Let us consider ” passionate.” It used to mean Romeo and Juliet, Cathy and Heathcliff, King Lear, Churchill’s speeches. No more. It is now nothing more than a husk of a word, a meaningless mouth noise, something to paint on the side of a van. I have seen ” We are passionate about roofing repairs” and ” Waste disposal is our passion” You cannot be serious , man ! Are you telling me that Tom the Roofer would prefer to lay tiles in the pitch dark, rather than go home to his wife and children ?
And then there are “solutions” – they used to be coloured liquids in the chemistry lab. Now they promise instant gratifications – “Dirty laundry solutions” “Lawn Seeding Solutions” – I even saw ” H2oHighPress Solutions for all your cleaning problems” – which is redundant in about four different ways.
However, I have tapped a rich vein of verbal manure in the business section of the current BBC website. It’s about Davos (wasn’t he the villain in Doctor Who?) and the economic gobbledegook which passes for conversation there.
How about ” web of interconnectedness” Could you have a web of disconnectedness ?
“Thought Leader” – I’ve no idea what it means and it scares the crap out of me. It has strong hints of Orwell and “1984” Is – and I whisper the thought- Trump a Thought Leader ? Nah… He doesn’t do thinking.
Last one, I promise:
“Multi-stake holder platforms”
I know what this is. It’s all to do with railways. Every station will have special platforms for passengers holding more than one Big Mac – (multi steak/stake holders.)… geddit ?