The Donald Trump Drinking Game


It’s very simple.All you need is a tv permanently tuned to American (ie Trump) Election coverage. You also need a lot of alcohol – pick your poison.

Every time The Donald uses one of the following words or phrases you must have a drink :

Hunerd percent


Believe me.

If The Donald refers to himself in the third person ” Trump  says…” you must have two drinks.

Happy electioneering !






Anger Management

“I represent a large group of people that have a lot of anger.” So says The Donald in the wake of what looks like a near riot which stopped one of his meetings. You might think that the anger would come from the poor, the unemployed, the manifest losers- and you might be wrong. The Trump appeals to every social level from entrepreneurs to evangelical Christians. Why ? Why is America thinking of replacing a thoughtful, highly intelligent law professor with a bumptious lout trying to sell vodka and steaks with which he has no connection ?
Obama summarised his foreign policy as DDSS ( Don’t Do Stupid Shit.) So did Trump – “ Bomb the Shit out of Them.” Now come on, which one would you choose ?

But anger isn’t limited to America. You only have to look at the Middle East to see the nihilistic anger of ISIS. Look at the extreme right parties in Europe in Germany and Spain.
Look at the UK and you see the wonder that is Jeremy Corbyn. Last year Corbyn was elected to be Leader of the Labour Party by a massive majority. He’s a 1980’s died -in- the wool Marxist and so are his merry band of brothers. He was the Joke Candidate chosen by an electorate which had largely never voted for anything before and he has all the decisiveness of a whelk. Someone should tell him that the Berlin Wall has fallen.

Where is the anger coming from ? I think that it comes from broken promises. Politicians have lost contact with their electorates and retreated into incestuous arguments of their own. The Promised Land has not arrived as promised four years ago, so now we will elect someone who is authentic and fresh….and incompetent… and stupid.

Don’t get me wrong. Anger is a perfectly legitimate reaction to political incompetence, but what happens when Anger elects AngryMan ? What follows ? Should the Trump ( isn’t the name so descriptive of the man ) actually gets into the White House, what’s he going to DO on Day 1 ?  How is he going to deal with his friends ( if there are any) and more importantly, his enemies ?

When are we going to realise that politicians are a necessary evil and that though democracy is a crumbling,inefficient way of government, it’s the only one we’ve got ?

Unless you want The Donald as “ President for LIfe”, of course.

“Hair today and Gone tomorrow” or “The Last Trump”




I’ve been watching Trump quite a lot recently. After all, I’m a Brit – and if he becomes President, the chances of Europe turning into a nuclear wasteland will edge up quite a few points. So I have a vested interest here. I don’t know anything about his policies (mind you, I suspect he doesn’t either.) I’m interested in the superficial stuff- the way he talks, his gestures…his hair.

It’s silly hair…candyfloss hair…a wispy concoction held together by StrongFast hairspray. Nobody believes it. It’s a joke, and everyone knows it…including, I think, him. His hair is like a red flag to a bull. “ Go on ! says his hair, “ I’m silly hair ! OK ? You wanna make something of it pal ?” His hair is in your face, in a manner of speaking.

His walk. The other candidates walk badly, all of them. They shuffle onto the stage, trying not to trip over their own toes, and scurry to the safety of their lecterns. But Trump walks in slowly, deliberately, head up, checking out the crowd. A gladiator stalking into the arena, a professional wrestler pacing round the ring, seeking whom he might devour. The more I think of it, the more I realise that’s it ! Unable to present himself as he really is, he borrows massively from the theatrics of the ring. His opponents are entirely unimportant – he plays to the crowd, telling them what they want to hear, shocking them with profanity ( Ooo !Doris ! Isn’t it lovely to be shocked by profanity !) He feels their unarticulated pain.

Bawling, wheedling, cajoling, he persuades them to follow their hearts and check their brains in at the door. Vocally he’s good, very good – he runs from full-on tortured bull to creepy uncle – and he uses his hands – stabbing out a finger, lips belled out like a trumpet, then making a funny, odd little gesture, circling his thumb and forefinger- it’s almost feminine.



No-one could deny he’s a brilliant entertainer.

But has he got the chops for The Real Job ?

It’s 4am. A red phone in the White House Situation Room starts ringing. The Duty Security Officer picks it up. One of the Northern radar stations has picked up what looks like a multiple missile strike from over the Pole. On the other hand, it could be a flock of geese, or the Moon- it’s happened before. The Duty Officer dashes up stairs to the Presidential bedroom and bangs on the door.
“ Mr President ! Mr President !”
A grunt which sounds like “ What the f..”
The man goes inside, tells his story to the humped form in the bed.
“ What are we going to do, Mr President ? What are we going to do ?
The President reaches out an arm to switch on the light. His pink jowls are shadowed with stubble, stringy yellow hair hangs round his face. He looks bewildered.
“ What are we going to do ?”


What’s in a name ?